I'm not going to cut this, because I think it's because it's how we all feel. I basically took a scale and gutted it then painted it so I would stop weighing mysef compulsively.

hey.

i made it another year.

whaddya know.

I feel like a cornered dog.

How do you nicely tell someone that yes, yes they really are too fat for a navel piercing, when they ask?

http://www.thedailyplate.com

Made an account there.

It's pretty user friendly.

I like the layout better than what fitday's is currently.

And they let you set daily calorie goals.

Of course I still have a fitday, too.

And a paper food journal.

Obsessive much?

Perhaps consumed is a better word.

You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that. You cannot make me eat that.

99!

Oh. My. God.

Made my day.

I got the swelling and edema under control by swapping water out for more diet pop and tea -- diuretics.

Viva la diet pop.

\(^_^)/

This feeling I have right now?

This accomplishment?

This slightly sick high I feel?

This is what makes the weakness, and the dizziness, and the obsessions all seem somehow justified.


Just like a drug.

I can't go home like I used to anymore.

My mom has decided that she's going to weigh me at random whilst I'm there.

She says I need to weigh at least 115.

I want so badly to be happy with that.

115 is not heavy at my height.

She keeps buying me food.

I keep throwing it in the empty dresser.

I have an issue trashing food.

It's funny, but I've even lost the will to want it.

It just sits.

Stagnates.

Expires.

Kind of like me.

( emaciation [possibly triggering] )

She made me an appointment to see the physician, too.

I'm terrified.